Has it really been that long?!

I guess it really has been that long since I've blogged. To be honest, I never really thought I'd come back to this, but I guess every now and then I have the urge to spill my guts to complete strangers, most likely no one.

School started 3 weeks ago, and I'm already overwhelmed with readings and assignments. Don't ask me why I'm doing this instead. Unfortunately, at this particular moment, I'm unable to keep my focus on my studies, my mind are on other things. I always hope that it would be easier done than said, but as you know, that's never the case.

I'm usually apprehensive about writing about this particular topic, even though I know that the chances of him reading it is slim to none. But then again, you never know. I've always had the urge to post my link onto Facebook, but I never do in fear of this. You might ask, wow, she hides most of her feelings from him...well, not exactly the case. He knows exactly what I want, yet, somehow I know that he won't be able to give it to me, at least not until the current situation changes. A part of my wants to 'stick it out', but most of me wonders how much longer I can continue waiting, and compromising.

This morning I woke up on the brighter side, but that quickly changed at the end of our conversation over the phone before he went in for work. Well, looks like I can't really blog about this anymore as it's just making me feel even more depressed.

Apologies for the depressing comeback. As if anyone's really reading this right now.

Allergies Suck

After having gone through days of sneezing and walking around with a very irritated nose and stuffy head, I've come to the conclusion that I have allergies, and so did the doctor. I've missed two days of work, so I had no choice but to visit Jo's doctor, who charges $15 for a note even if you've gone to see him for a check up, what a rip-off. I really needed that doctor's note though, I hate calling in sick sometimes, and if I do, I like giving them a note so they know I'm not playing it. The doctor prescribed me some pills, and said I should be feeling better in two weeks. I admitt, he's not the best doctor around, he didn't even give me an allergy test, so realistically, he was just assuming that because trees are blooming, I must be allergic to pollens and stuff. Could be the case, but I want to know exactly what I'm allergic to. Even though he gave me prescriptions, I decided not to buy it.

I went to work yesterday, and everything was cool with my manager. There were some issues that I needed to speak to her about. Like I said, I had called in sick two days and had people to cover for me. As it turns out, one girl decided to call in sick too, an hour before the shift started. The thing is, she confirmed with me that she'd take the shift the night before, and I told her I'd confirm with her the next morning after I'd call into work saying that she'd be taking my shift instead. The following day, I couldn't get a hold of the girl, even called her house phone and left a message with her dad, I must've sent her a million text messages, and her cell phone was off. The only reason why I found out that she didn't come in was because she emailed me that night, and I didn't get it the following day. Shit. So when I went into work yesterday, I spoke to my manager and she told me not to worry, she said she didn't believe that girl was really sick, and she has a reputation for being stupid. So, although work can be a bitch because of all the cranky customers we get, my management team is still the bomb.

In other news...hehe. Apparently, Jo's elementary friends are planning a little get together. Well, it was his ex that initiated the whole thing, and also his ex that said 'No kids/partners, just us'. What was that supposed to mean? See, I never really understood this. Jo said not to worry because they're all just going to 'catch up' on things and 'hang'. Well, ok, that I understand, but what the fuck? Y'all can't do that with your significant others around??? One time Jo went out with his buddy and his girl-friend, it was her birthday, and the three of them decided to go out, which is cool. What's uncool is that Jo didn't even ask me. All of a sudden I call him and he was out already. Of course I was pissed. Here's the thing, I don't get out much, because of school, work and what not. So, I wouldn't mind going out once in a while. Also, when I ask to go out, he's never in the mood, so we NEVER go out. Towards the end of the night when I called Jo, his girl-friend decided to scream into the phone saying, 'You guys are always together, why don't you let him out for once?' Shit, I never liked her from then on, and I never will, and I don't care if she's a lesbian. Yes, she is, as what Jo says. Oh ok, so now she's a lesbian, it's ok? I still didn't like what she said over the phone, the nerve of that bitch. First of all, I do let him go out, I just don't appreciate it when I'm not invited because I always invite Jo to any of my outings. So he can go to this 'gathering' of theirs in June, but I'll be pissed as hell, no matter what he says.

Bummed Out

Like the new layout?

The weather is beautiful outside. It is finally warm enough to leave the hoodies in the closet today. I really should be out there, enjoying the weather, walking the streets of downtown Toronto, but nah, I'm really not in a good mood, and I haven't been for a week now. I always go through these moments, where I feel like I'm not so sure of everything around me. I'm still trying to figure that part out. A number of things, my family is pissing me off, and I'm so unmotivated to go to work. That's the word, un-motivated. I feel like there's just nothing out there for me. What's funny is that I'll go through these moments, mope around, and within a few days, I'm back to normal.

We watched Spiderman 3 in IMAX on Sunday. I'd never been in an IMAX theatre, it was enormous! I only regret not watching 300 on that IMAX screen, what a waste. The movie was 'ok'. I've always liked Spiderman, but, there's something about Tobey Maguire, I can't pin-point it. I guess I was expecting more 'action' than 'lovey dovey' stuff.

Sweating = Good. Fighting = Bad.

No. We didn't 'party-it-up' last Friday. I'm such a kill-joy. Don't get me wrong, I was really gung-ho about it. The plan was to chill at Jo's place, drink & smoke, and head out to the party. But, as it turns out, I drank & smoked too much, when it came time to go out, I was just dead tired, and ripped. Besides, I had to work the following afternoon anyway, I think if I had gone out, I would've been dead at work.

So here I go again with the fitness thing. Yesterday, Mom was bugging about how all her old Jane Fonda workout videos are gone, either they're missing or they've just been so used that the quality of the video is horrible. I told her how I saw some re-released DVD's of hers at Best Buy, she got so excited she wanted me to go get it. Of course, being the wonderful daughter that I am, I bought it for her, not just one, but two. Plus, I managed to get something for myself, Tae Bo cardio. I thought it would be nice to add to my exercise collection, since all of them are just about toning and none for cardio. This morning I popped Tae Bo in the DVD player, and my God! I swear I've never seen myself sweat profusely! It was hardcore-nonstop action. I was literally running out of breath. And because it was my first time, I didn't do all the moves to it's highest degree, I figured I'd take it easy for a bit and then go all the way. I know I've said this before, but, I think this time I really need to committ myself to this, it'd be a good idea since I think I'm already 20 pounds overweight. Ouch.

Last night Jo and I had a fight. Very unusual. We were both cranky and tired and it just got the best of us. That morning Jo asked me if I'd like to come video tape his bowling so he'd analyze it later one. I really didn't want to, but I said sure, since he said I could take the car home. Fast forward to that night, I really couldn't video tape him since all kinds of people we walking around, blocking my view, and I wasn't about to go down into the bowlers area to sit there and tape him, I just wasn't in the mood. Not in the mood for anything, even the common chit-chat. Mind you, for us, the bowling alley is like the red carpet. When you come in, everyone stops to say 'Hi' and catch up on things. Even when you're spectating, people are still approaching and giving kisses on cheeks and what not. Don't get me wrong, on any other given day, I really don't mind it, it's always nice to see familiar faces, but today, I just didn't give a fart. I told Jo from the moment I picked him up that I was hungry. So we made plans to eat after bowling. During league though I got so bored, I upped and left for the mall (that's when I bought the Jane Fonda DVD's). I came back and they had one more game left. As soon as he was done his game, he chatted a little and I motioned for him to go. We left, and in the car we were back and forth about where we were going to eat. I said it really didn't matter, I just needed something in my stomach. So, long story short, we ended up at McDonalds, then a Sushi place, and finally Wendy's. At Wendy's he blew up, he wondered why I couldn't make up my mind about where to eat. (Let me clear things up first...He drove into McDonalds asking if it was ok, I said it was fine. He asked if I was sure, and knowing that there was a Wendy's just down the street, I said I'd rather have that. So he spotted a sushi place, he drove in, 'coz I know he'd rather have sushi, they were closed. We ended up at Wendys...)I told him already that I didn't care, and I didn't understand what all the big fuss was about. Then he yelled and said some shit like, 'I don't even want to eat, I wanted to bowl some more.' That was it, I blew up too. I yelled back and I told him he should've told me, then I wouldn't have waited for him because I knew he'd want us to eat together, I would've grabbed my own food while he was bowling, and that I was just thinking about him. Now that I was crying I told him I wasn't hungry anymore. He replied by saying he'd had enough of my games. Shit. I told him I wasn't fucking playing games with him. He asked me again what I wanted, and I said I wasn't hungry. He backed out of the drive thru and we drove in silence until we exited the highway. He parked the car by the curb, and suddenly he was apologizing. He said he should not have yelled at me, and he just lost it, and he was sorry. I told him not to worry about it, and I told him he should've told me he wanted to stay, because if that was the case then I would've jumped in the car, grabbed some eats and eat at the alley. Plain and simple. Anyway, we ended up with McDonalds at 10:30pm.

These are the kind of fights Jo and I have, usually something stupid but it rarely ever happens. I'm glad for that because I had fighting with him. I hate fighting period. We were pretty much ok by the time we got home, and that's always the case, when we fight, it usually doesn't last for more than an hour, thank God.

School's Out!

Thank God it's Friday! What's even better is that school is out! But why out of all days, does it have to rain today? Jo and I were gonna party-it-up tonight, and I hate going out when it's raining, it just ruins my mood, always.

Upon finishing this semester, there are a few things I need to take care off, life management stuff, sheesh. Why do things have to be so complicated?!

A. Have to speak with payroll dept. at work for tax related stuff.
B. Pay off student loan.
C. Pay off my laptop.

Hmm. I guess that's about it. I think I'm in for a pretty boring summer. No trips this year. Jo and I are planning to visit the Philippines next year, so I have to save up for that. So much for the Europe backpacking trip :( It's either/or. Can only do one. Totally sucks.